When we’re with someone, our brain is examining the person we’re with continously. This particular part of brain is what makes interactions go smoothly. That part of our brain, however, is crippled online. When we are online all we have is the words you send.Though we assume that all the emotions all the feelings (that should have been there if we are sitting face-to-face) go with the email. It’s an unconscious assumption. Receivers think that positive email was more neutral. When the sender thinks it’s neutral, receivers tend to think it’s more negative. In other words, there is a general negativity skew to email.
But then there’s another problem: Very often in face-to-face interaction you get an impulse to do something or say something and your social brain says, “Uh-uh-uh! That’s not going to be effective.” But that message never comes back to you when you’re sitting writing an email, because there’s no feedback loop
The result is what’s called flaming. Flaming has been known since the earliest days of email. It’s when you’re worked up about something, and you sit down and you furiously type up a message and hit send. And for a split second you have a feeling of satisfaction, and then this morbid sense of, “Oh no, why did I do that? Why did I say that?” comes over you. That’s a flame. It’s a disaster. And it’s a disaster that would not have occurred face to face, most likely.
When you’re tempted to hit send when angry or frustrated, try this instead.
- Save the message as a draft.
- Take three deep breaths.
- Return to your email.
- Envision yourself as the recipient of the message.
- Would they think the message has a positive or negative tone?
- Revise as you see fit.
Taking an extra few minutes to reflect on your intention and message in an email could save you a couple of hours, days, or even weeks of headache and trouble.
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